I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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