Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
