thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
