Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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