dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
