I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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