I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
