Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
