my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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