I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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