The maid of honor just puked.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
