Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
there is glitter all over my balls
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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