i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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