It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
