A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
