How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
