the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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