I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
