you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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