Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
