Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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