The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
