she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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