So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
