She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
