Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
