My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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