your parents love me but you hate me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
