Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This house was built for laser tag.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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