Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
