Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
