Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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