bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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