So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
