I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
