She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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