i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
