My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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