I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
