You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
