Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
