How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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