Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
