How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
