If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
