i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
