I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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