we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
