Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
