it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
