My cat gives me a boner
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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