we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
