either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
