Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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